Cengage Group: Bitesized Belonging
It’s inevitable. You’ve done the self-education, you’ve worked on your allyship self-inventory, only to then flub someone’s pronouns.
Look, it happens! Most folks understand that the occasional misstep happens on our journey to be better and are willing to extend grace for our mistakes. But only when we recover the right way!
Remember trans, non-binary, and other folks whose pronouns might not be as apparent; in a single day, they probably have to correct many people.
That can get exhausting. So the last thing they typically want to hear is your life story and declarations about how great an ally you are.
So then what the heck are you supposed to say? When you misgender someone, stay calm and remember to PAARM:
Pause: Take a breath after someone tells you you’ve messed up their pronouns. Breathe. Process the information. This is where folks get flustered and tend to word-vomit.
Apologize: A simple “sorry” or “my bad” goes a long way. It shows someone you heard their critique and are empathetic.
Appreciate: “Thanks for correcting me” is another way to demonstrate empathy and reinforce with the individual that you’re being receptive to their correction.
Repeat: Restate whatever you just said with the correct pronouns. This gives you the chance to a) show you’re actively working to ensure you don’t misgender that person again and b) sneak in a little practice to help memorization.
Move-on: Don’t linger on the subject, apologize endlessly, or try to explain what a good person you are. It’s okay to keep things simple and short.
Let’s look at how we might use the PAARM Method during the workday:
Jack: “Hey, Ace. Amazing work on that account, man. The boss was telling me you did an awesome job and he wants you to be his number one point man moving forward”.
Ace: “Oh, really!? That's so cool. Oh, I actually go by them/them, though.”
Jack: (2-4 second deep breath/processing). Oh, my bad. Thanks for telling me. Amazing work on that account. The boss said you did an awesome job, and he wants you to lead the account moving forward. Do you have a minute to talk about this other report?”
Notice how this exchange was respectful, sincere, and short?
It doesn’t take much to hold ourselves accountable.
But when we do, we continue enforcing basic human decency and demonstrate compassion. Those are the elements that foster true belonging.
Here’s another example:
Max: Jude told me he sent over the files, but I can’t find anything from him? Do you know if we’re having a computer issue, Alex?
Alex: Oh, Jude actually uses she/they pronouns.
Max: (Pause). Oh, sorry about that. Thanks for making sure to correct me. Jude said she sent over the files, but I can’t find anything from her. Do you know if we’re having computer issues?
Our handy-dandy dictionary tells us it’s “the unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc. of one people or society by members of another, and typically, more dominant people or society”.
Phew, a lot of five-dollar ideas in there, but let’s break it down.
When we think of cultural appropriation, some math usually needs to take place. Does this“thing” (action, custom, clothing, word, phrase, etc.) come from my own culture? Do I
understand the entire background or am I engaging with it because it’s seemingly
mainstream? Did this thing start with a group of people before it was broadly adopted?
Let’s examine a quick and easy example: slay.
You’ve likely heard it, seen it written, and maybe even shouted it yourself. But do you fully grasp the roots of the word as used in contemporary contexts? Do you understand the community—in this case the queer community and very specifically the drag community—and the history of this word? Do you understand the relevancy of its connection to ball culture? Most folks don’t and say ‘slay’ completely out of context.
So, by our math, this could (note "could" and not "absolutely is") be cultural appropriation.
Well, that kind of sucks, huh?
How can we be expected to navigate the landmines of cultural appropriation on a daily basis? How can we possibly understand the full history, societal impact, and context of the things we take for granted every single day?
There’s some good(ish) news.
You aren’t and you can’t.
That’s right, I'm telling you that you’re not expected to know absolutely every aspect of every culture and ensure you stay in your own identity lane.
Language, customs, and ideas can permeate cultures and change them entirely. Rather, what we need to watch for are harmful and disrespectful instances of cultural appropriation.
Saying ‘slay’, for instance, out of context, won’t usually warrant you more than a strong eye roll. And some queer folks might even see the non-queer use of this word as progress; it wasn’t long ago that a large majority of straight, suburban men were doing everything in their power to avoid gay culture, let alone engaging with it.
Slay is a good example, though, of mainstream cultural engagement, whereby cultural
adoption by the mainstream symbolizes acceptance and integration (even while often lacking in context).
But there are forms of cultural appropriation which are harmful and downright cruel.
As we enter the Samhain and Halloween season and folks begin to don their costumes, cultural appropriation often becomes a topic of great discussion.
Examinations of people’s costumes have highlighted the offensive and inappropriate nature of cultural appropriation.
Take, for example, dressing up as a Native American, complete with headdress and polyurethane “buck-skin” outfits. It should go without saying that every aspect of this is offensive. From the wearing of a sacred garment to the overly racialized idea that it’s okay to dress and perform as another race or culture. So too are costumes of other people’s religions, identities, or backgrounds.
Exercise
Take some time to think about areas in which you might be culturally appropriating another culture. Are there opportunities for you to shift from appropriation to engagement?
For example, if you’ve been using ‘slay’ often, you might consider spending some time reading literature that informs you of the background, usage, and importance.
Still not sure? It’s always okay to connect with an ally, ERG Co-Chair, or even your ever-
present Director of DEIB to ask, ‘Is this cultural appropriation?’
DEIB is crucial to creating inclusion and equity amongst employees and is one of many
ways we ensure everyone is treated with respect and humanity.
In short, DEIB exists to make things more fair.
US companies haven’t always been welcoming to historically resilient and underrepresented communities.
And hard data tells us that most still aren't.
Whether it’s women pushing for equal pay, racially underrepresented folks pushing for equal representation, or LGBTQ+ folks fighting for equal protections, US businesses have a long—and continued—history of being difficult places to thrive.
DEIB examines the challenges that these communities face in the workplace—as well as challenges that all employees face--and presents solutions for change.
DEIB has many different roots, but one of its strongest is in data.
When we look at data such as labor statistics, census information, university/college graduation rates, unemployment demographics, and even competitor analytics, we can find benchmarks by which we can grade ourselves.
Whether through racial, gender, sexual orientation, or other demographic representation, or accessibility and equity systems demanded by our consumers, DEIB is meant to diversify and advance organizations. And it does this by looking at hard numbers and pointing out where things just don’t look right.
For example, almost 14% of the US population identifies as Black. Yet, labor statistics for
most tech companies report an 8% or less employment rate of employees who identify as
Black (PewResearch.org).
DEIB identifies this 6% difference and begins formulating strategies to increase Black representation.
Another example might be the fact that over half of all LGBTQ+ employees in the US continue to face discrimination during employment, healthcare, and housing (AmericanProgress.org).
DEIB efforts in all these areas seek to increase inclusion, create zero-tolerance policies for discrimination, and—most importantly—continue educating employees about these communities.
Given how much time we spend at work, DEIB serves a vital function within the business, ensuring employees have the tools, understanding of nuance, and cultural competency to treat each other with respect. In many cases, like here at Cengage Group, the DEIB function also serves as one of a handful of cultural thermometers; a truly dedicated resource whose sole mission is ensuring a best-in-class culture while helping leaders navigate pitfall policies and potentially toxic business decisions.
DEIB is also highly practical.
Research has consistently shown that teams/businesses with greater diversity outperform those with less. That same research also shows that teams/businesses with greater diversity mitigate risks sooner (saving money on work that has to be redone), drive innovation, and enable them to tap into specific communities more efficiently and authentically.
Answer In the Chat Below:
• What are some ways you've seen DEIB roles/departments influence change at this
or other organizations?
• Are there other reasons you can think of as to why DEIB exists so strongly within
corporations and businesses?
• Why do your leaders want it as part of their strategy?
Resources:
• 9-12 min. read: Forbes: The Business Case for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion
11-13 min. read: Insight Global: Why DEI Matters: Nine Benefits of Strong DEI in the
Workplace
Identity refers to aspects of an individual’s character or personhood. Stated another way, identity is “a set of physical, mental, emotional, social, and interpersonal characteristics unique to you”.
Identity is a core concept in DEIB, as it encompasses the ways in which individuals and communities differ from one another. Identities allow us to express or define our differences in relation to others, enabling us to navigate different cultures, experiences, and people with competence and/or fluency.
For example, say an individual who identifies as straight and cisgender decides they want to attend a transgender activism event at a local community center in the hopes of learning how to be a better ally and advocate. It would be important for that individual to understand how their own experiences differ from the expected majority, in order to avoid offending others and accurately represent their desire to help.
Or consider an organization or company with a fairly homogenous population.
Should that organization wish to grow its diversity—by whatever measurement they’d elected—it becomes vital for those within the homogenous population to understand their own identity and the historical successes and failures their identity(s) has had in relation to those identity(s) being sought.
Exercise:
Review the following article (7 min. read) and answer the questions. Feel free to
share in the chat below!
[Why Identity Matters and How It Shapes Us]
• Understanding what identity is and how it shapes our experiences, why
is intersectionality such an important—if complex—aspect to DEIB work?
• While many categories of identification are shared, each of us has a unique
combination, concentration, and expression. Take a moment and consider how you
self-identity to others—and yourself. How did you list your identities? Is there an
order of importance or focus?
• Do different aspects of different parts of your identity manifest stronger at some
points and weaker at others? Why?
As June draws to a close, many of us who haven’t already frequented the Pride Parades,
festivals, gatherings, and events that mark this month may be considering doing so this
week.
For some, Pride Month is about recharging; gathering the queer collective energy to
continue advocating for self and community.
For others, Pride Month is an important signifier of the advancement LGBTQ+ people have made since the 1969 Stonewall Riots.
And for others, it’ll be the first place they feel seen, understood, and respected.
Whether you’re a seasoned Pride goer, new to the experience, or an ally who’s been
looking forward to the celebration all year, it’s important we all remember the ground rules.
Exercise:
Take some time to review the materials below and keep these five (5) rules in mind:
1. Consent, consent, consent.
Whether it’s a picture or a hug, remember to ask for permission first. Drag Queens, folks wearing colorful and fun outfits, and queer folks of all shapes, sizes, and identities gather during Pride. Touching, taking pictures, and pointing without asking for consent can make folks feel like animals in a zoo, or get you kicked out.
2. Keep your comments to yourself.
If you don’t have something nice to say, then it’s best to keep it to yourself.
3. Parents, consider whom you’re bringing with you.
Unless otherwise designated, Pride events should be considered adult spaces.
Commenting on the appropriateness of what folks are wearing or how they’re behaving
because you’ve brought young children along can be perceived as rude and exclusive.
There are many kid-friendly Pride events that can be found should you want to bring the
littles along!
4. Allies, be mindful that you’re a guest.
A good ally understands which spaces they’re welcome in and which they’re not and
navigates that change with grace. Be cognizant of the spaces you’re entering and treat
them with the respect of an observer and welcome guest.
5. Have fun!
Pride is a hard-fought, hard-won celebration of love. It’s a celebration of difference, of
fluidity, of vibrancy. Be sure to laugh, cheer, and show your love for this community.
Resources:
First time at Pride? Try this:
https://www.them.us/story/first-timers-guide-to-pride
Non-Queer ally? Check this out: